I want to go on record here saying that I hate being the bearer of bad news - I hate it. Yet today for the second time in my life I got to call my siblings to give them news of death. Now I'm glad that my parents know that they can count on me and lean on me to help them and that in a time of need I will do anything they want. My sister Nicole's common-law husband of 4+ years passed away last night. So as my parents are on their way to be with her I offered to break the news as at least that way I feel like I am helping her in someway - at least until I can get there and give her a big hug.
Now I don't know if anyone reads this, and you know it's probably better if no one does as sometimes my ramblings probably seem confused and like they aren't going anywhere and you know most times they probably aren't. Like today I don't really know what I'm going to write but I felt like I had to so that I could stop all the thoughts rolling in my head.
Yesterday brought back so many memories of Melanie's death. I don't think anyone ever really gets over someones death you just learn to keep breathing and moving and pretending everything is normal that eventually you convince even yourself that it is - that is until something else happens and once again the world seems to stop. Death seems to leave so many unanswered questions, the biggest being "why?" I guess that is a question that one will never get answered.
I never realized until last night how on edge I was, it's like I'm constantly waiting for a phone call or bad news, and how do you stop yourself from feeling like this? This will be the 5th funeral in 2 years - 5 funerals too many - the 5th funeral in zander's life, and he's only 3 1/2! The poor boy he is getting confused - he realizes that the people are angels now but can't understand how they are up in heaven when they are buried in the ground! Confusing concept.
Well Melanie you take care of Neil up there and I will try to help take care of Nicole down here.